Part XXIX

           "Darshan!" Ken yelled as he burst into the house.

           "In the kitchen," Xander heard him reply as he crossed the threshold, puffing and shaking.  He dropped his bags on the green couch in the living room and hesitated a moment before following Ken into the kitchen.

           Darshan and Ling were seated at the table wearing concerned expressions as the short, wiry man paced back and forth in front of them, gesturing wildly as he spoke.  "...might have been her.  I don't know!  I don't know what the fuck it was, but it was too strong for me to kill - I had to banish it.  So it's gonna come b- Xander!  Tell them!"

           His eyes darted back and forth between the three hunters, and his mouth opened but his brain refused to supply words.

           "What did you see?" Darshan asked sternly.

           Xander choked out a few faint noises, but he couldn't speak.  He tried to suck in a breath but his chest felt like there'd been a hole punched through it, and he wheezed.

           "Are you alright, Xander?"  Ling rose and came around the table to stand in front of him, looking at his face intently.

           "We haven't got time for this," Darshan snapped.  "Tell us what you saw."

           "Darshan!" Ling exploded.  "What did we just talk about?"  She turned back to Xander.  "Gods, you're shivering.  Are you hurt?  Did it injure you?"

           He shook his head.

           "It spoke to you?  Did it touch you?"  Her face twisted as he nodded.  "Where?"

           Xander wheezed again and just shook his head.  He realized that he was on the verge of hyperventilating.

           "It's alright.  It's going to be okay.  Just...give me your hand.  I need to check that it didn't do anything to you."  She grasped his right hand in her warm, callused fingers and closed her eyes for a few seconds.  "No poison or venom...no influences."  She opened her eyes and searched his face.  "It mustn't have had time.  But your pulse is racing, Xander.  He's in shock; he needs to lay down.  Darshan, go make up the guest bed.  Make sure you get at least five pillows and a heavy blanket.  Ken, take his bags upstairs," she said, looking over her shoulder at Ken and Darshan.  "Xander, you're in shock and you need to lay down for a while.  We're going to go upstairs to the guest room, okay?  Come on."

           He nodded and let her guide him out of the kitchen and through the living room to the stairs.  Everything around him was too bright, too loud, and he stumbled.  Ling told him to take it slow going up, and the hole in his chest seemed to rip open anew.  But he inched up the steps, tightly grasping the banister, and was finally at the top.  They passed Cee's closed door, and his lungs gave up on trying to maintain a sense of dignity and began sucking in air at a rapid pace.

           Ling looked back at him - she was now walking ahead of him, as he was too wide to allow her to walk by his side - and called ahead to Ken and Darshan, who were waiting in the guest room down the corridor.  "I need one of you to get me the dark brown bottle marked 'kava blend' in my top drawer.  Now."

           Xander and Ling stepped into the guest room, where Darshan was waiting.  Ken suddenly appeared in the doorway behind them and handed Ling a tiny brown glass bottle.

           "Thank you.  Now, both of you, out."  Darshan began to protest, but Ling cut him off and shooed them both out, shutting the door in their faces.  "Sit down on the bed, Xander."

           His lungs locked up completely as he heard the bed frame groan under his considerable weight.  The feelings surging through him were so vile his brain couldn't even find words to transform them into thoughts.  His vision began to blur and darken, and Ling began to sound like she was shouting into one of the pillows he felt around him.

           "Focus on my voice, Xander," her words became clear and cut through his confusion.  "Open your mouth and lift up your tongue.  This will help."

           He did as she asked and felt the burn of alcohol sweetened with vanilla and something he wasn't familiar with spread through his mouth.  The warmth passed down his throat and began to heat him up inside.  "Wh-what..."

           "It's alright," she told him, her concerned face slowly coming into focus.  "You're going to be okay, Xander.  You're having a panic attack.  That's all.  It will pass."

           He took a gulping breath and felt the muscles in his chest relax a bit, and the pounding in his ears began to quiet.  "I'm not...in shock?"

           Ling gave a rueful smile, her lips pursed like a tulip bud.  "No, you're not in shock.  I told them that so they would shut up and leave you alone for a while."

           He crinkled his brow in confusion but just looked at her.

           "You need to rest, alright?  Is the kava helping?"

           Xander nodded, noticing a sweet heaviness gradually calm the shaking in his limbs.  "I've never..."

           She nodded.  "They can be pretty terrifying, especially if you don't know what's happening.  I've been getting them for a few years now.  They do get easier, once you figure out how to deal with them.  But it's certainly an understandable reaction, given..."

           He clenched his eyes shut.

           "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

           "It's alright...it's not something I'm going to be able to forget."

           "Do you...want to tell me?"

           Xander's mouth opened, the words poised to tumble from his lips, but he shut it before they fell.  If I start, I may not be able to stop, he thought.  His eyes drifted to the floor and began tracing the swirls in the dark-stained wood.

           Ling's hand rested gently on his shoulder for a moment.  "You don't have to tell any of us anything.  We know enough to have an idea of what precautions to take.  Now, I want you to lay down and rest.  Take a nap.  Do you have your inhaler with you or is it in one of your bags?  The kava should help with that for now, but just in case."

           "My what?"

           "Your inhaler."

           He looked at her, confused.  "I don't have an inhaler...?"

           Ling tilted her head to the left, an escaped tendril of dark hair brushing her shoulder.  "You don't know, do you?  Xander, you have asthma."

           "What?  No, I don't.  I just...I get out of breath because..."  He clammed up, his eyes returning to the floor boards.

           "That is likely part of it," she said delicately, "but you most definitely have some breathing issues that are unrelated to your...level of fitness.  Goodness, I thought you knew."

           He just shook his head and heard her sigh.

           "Well, it feels as if your issues are mostly related to air quality and stress, sometimes brought on by physical activity.  There's not much we can do about the air quality, but I can show you some things to help with the stress once you're feeling a bit better, okay?"

           He let out a short, bitter chuckle.  "So what, you're saying going up the stairs stresses me out?"

           "Actually, yes.  You probably anticipate that you're going to have trouble breathing going up stairs and that makes you upset, so you do have trouble breathing.  Like a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Also, you were fine when you carried Cee up last night.  You weren't thinking about your breathing."

           Xander didn't know what to say to that.

           "Get some rest, alright?  I'll be around if you need anything."

           He thanked her, and she left, gently closing the door behind her.  Xander sat quietly for a few moments, enjoying the increasing calm that Ling's tincture or whatever it was had brought to his mind.  The pale afternoon sunlight spilled into the room through the gauzy curtains and played across his fingers, and he shook his head, realizing that less than forty minutes ago he'd been in the bathroom of his dorm, confronted with a terrifying perversion of what he now realized he wanted.  I like her, he thought simply, and I want her to like me...ALL of me, just like that thing said.  What does that mean?

           A sigh escaped from his lips as he shifted his weight and lay down on his side, his hands, for once gentle, arranging his big, soft middle comfortably out in front of him.  You know what that means. You like this. You want her to like this. Is that even possible?

            He thought back to his interactions with Cee during the short time he'd known her.  She had never been mean about his size, and had even tried to reassure him about it on more than one occasion.  Hell, she'd even called him handsome.  The way she'd snuggled with him on his bed and in the movie theater...and the way she'd grabbed his sides when she'd kissed him...  Could she...not mind?  Could she even...  Relaxed as he was, he was afraid to finish the thought.  Nevertheless, that breath of hope combined with the heavy feeling of his enormous belly gushing out onto the mattress in front of him was enough to stir that heat inside him.

           And she had kissed him.  He knew that that in and of itself didn't mean anything; after all, August had kissed him even though she was repulsed by him.  But the way Cee had kissed him...it had felt different.  Not that he had a wealth of experience in the kissing department, but the way he had felt...the energy radiating from her body...the way her fiery scent had intensified and developed hints of rosemary when her lips had met his and her fingers had squeezed into his rolls...  He lightly skimmed a hand over his side and shuddered with pleasure at the way his flesh yielded beneath his touch.  Before he knew it his hands were sinking into his belly, shaking and pinching his fat, imagining that it was Cee squishing and playing with his softness.

           Jesus, he though.  This is really what I want, isn't it?  He yawned and closed his eyes, the soft undulations of his flesh beneath his fingers soothing the last frayed edges of his nerves.

           Suddenly he felt another pair of hands gently sink into his belly.  Warmth bloomed inside him as he opened his eyes to the intense green-gold of Cee's gaze.  A small smile played across her lips as she massaged his middle, her flame-colored hair streaming over her shoulder and onto the pillow next to him.  He smiled back at her.

           "See?" she said.  "Isn't this nice?"

           A faint melody began to play somewhere as Cee's right hand caressed his soft jaw.  She brushed her fingers across his lips and the music got louder.  He recognized it as one of his favorite Velvet Sky songs, and he looked into her eyes, confused.  She gave him a sad look, and opened her mouth as if to tell him something...

           He felt his hip vibrate.  His heart dropped as he opened his eyes and realized that he was alone.  With a heavy sigh, he dug his phone out of his pocket.  His father's slim, angular face stared back at him from the screen's glow in the darkness of the guest room, and every ounce of calm that he'd gained from Ling's remedy and his nap evaporated.  Swallowing hard, he switched the sound off, but the device immediately buzzed and showed a new voicemail.

           "Xander," his father's voice boomed at him as he placed the device to his ear after punching in his password.  "We absolutely do not want to have to cancel your appointment with Dr. Fording tomorrow, but we are not going to waste the gas to drive out there tonight if you're not going to cooperate.  So you will either come home with us tonight or drive home yourself and be at the doctor's office tomorrow at 8:45am, sharp.  Either way, you need to call me and let me know what you've decided.  And if you choose to do neither, then you will be responsible for paying the late cancellation fee as well as for rescheduling an appointment for yourself.  You're not getting out of this.  Your mother and I will not continue to watch you do this to yourself.  You need help, Xander, and we just want to help you.  I expect to hear back from you no later than 6pm if you want us to come get you, and no later than 9pm if you'll be coming yourself."

           The clock read 5:42.  He couldn't believe he'd slept that long, after sleeping in that morning, but he supposed that whatever Ling had given him to calm his panic had made him drift off.  Nice of them to give me notice, he thought.  Sighing, he placed his finger over the power button to turn his phone off, but it buzzed again and showed a new text.

           He stared at his phone screen for several minutes, feeling ice fill his guts as he tried to comprehend the meaning of the letters that were becoming more and more blurred with each passing second.

           He texted back that he loved her and dropped the device into the pillowy comforter. A soft knock sounded from the door.  "Come in."

           Ling stuck her head in.  "Did you have a good nap, Xander?  How are you feeling?

           "Um, good.  I'm okay."

           Ling frowned and fully entered the room, her long blue skirt swishing faintly against the wood floor.  "May I?"  She held out her hand.

           He nodded, and she pressed her cool palm to his forehead.  "Your breathing is much better, but you feel upset again."

           He held up his phone and simply replied, "Family."

           "Ah."  She produced the tiny brown bottle from an invisible pocket in her skirt.  "Let me give you a little more kava.  I gave you a big dose earlier, that's why you slept.  This much won't make you sleep, you'll just feel calmer."

           He obediently opened his mouth and felt a few drops of the sweet liquid burn his mouth.  "Maybe I should just have you make me some of that to keep.  I seem to be freaking out more often than not these days," he muttered.

           She smiled at him as she screwed the lid back on.  "Already thought of that.  This one's yours.  Two drops for regular anxiety, and up to six for a full-blown panic attack like earlier today.  Just remember that the more you take, the more tired it will make you."  She placed the bottle in his hand.

           He thanked her.  "How much do I owe you?  For this and...the tea..."

           Ling laughed.  "You don't owe me anything, Xander.  You're part of our messed-up little family now.  Free herbal remedies and an overdose of stubbornness for all."

           "But how do you guys afford all this?  The house, the herbs, the weapons, food, school...  It's got to cost a fortune.  Do any of you have regular jobs?"
           "This is our 'regular job,' believe it or not," she explained.  "We have quite a few sources of income.  Some of our families have legitimate businesses on the side, and Darshan happens to be filthy rich.  And Cee's family actually owns this house.  Not to mention our network of likeminded individuals is very close-knit and devoted to taking care of each other.  And a lot of people owe us and our kind favors.  I get all my herbs for free from a friend of my family's.  We helped her with a problem a long time ago, and from then on she wouldn't take our money.  We have similar friends in all walks of life, so we are by no means hurting for cash or resources."  She smiled again.  "Now, Xander, are you hungry?  We're going to be eating dinner soon."