Part XXX

               "Good!  You're doing really well, Xander," Ling said, beaming at him.
               A brief frown crossed his face.  "Really?  I mean, I'm just throwing it around.  It doesn't feel like I'm doing much."  He tossed the glowing white ball from his left hand to his right and back again.
               "That's exactly what tells me how well you're doing - this is coming really easily to you.  You can already do everything that most people working with energy can only manage after quite a while."
               "Oh."  He wrinkled his brow as he squeezed the energy between his fingers.  "Why is mine white, but yours is light blue?  Ken's is burnt orange...Cee's is emerald..."
               She nodded thoughtfully, spinning her own pale blue sphere up in the air and catching it again.  "So far, you're just pulling energy from the environment around you, and you're doing an awesome job of it.  But that isn't always enough, and it doesn't contain as much of your own intention.  The color comes when you're able to put your own energy into it; a piece of yourself.  It's much more powerful."
               He attempted once again to discreetly shift around in the rose damask chair as he listened to Ling, hoping to somehow afford his ass a bit more space.  They were sitting in the living room downstairs, taking advantage of the way the rare late-December sunshine coming in through the huge windows lit up every corner of the normally sepulchral room.  While he was somewhat cheered by the sunshine and blue sky, he had been dismayed to see Ling settle herself on the green couch before he could claim it, leaving him the choice of one of the delicate-looking wooden side chairs scattered about that side of the room or the two pale pink armchairs situated across from the couch.  One glance had told him that the wooden chairs wouldn't stand a chance beneath his considerable weight, so he'd had to opt for one of the rose ones.  While it seemed to be doing a commendable job of supporting his bulk so far, he had been lucky he'd been able to stuff said bulk into the chair at all.  He had been alarmed when he'd looked back at the chair to discover that the resistance he was feeling upon trying to sit down happened to be the arms of the chair, which were too close together to allow his wide rear end to fit between them.  Blushing with that familiar mix of shame and desire, he'd had to sort of angle his hips a few different ways before he had been able to sit.  Even just then, he felt how tightly he was crammed in, the way the rolls of blubber on his sides were spilling out onto the armrests, trying to escape their confines, and the heaviness of his belly resting on his thighs, and felt that heat intensify deep inside.  This feels really good, being stuffed in here like this...  Soon I won't be able to fit at all...  He shook his head imperceptibly.  No!  Shut up, brain, he thought.  It's all going to go away soon.  The tea is working.
               Last night when Ling had come to check on him and summon him for dinner, he'd realized that he wasn't hungry at all.  He had been momentarily filled with panic - he was always hungry! - but then he remembered the tea.  Some lightning fast reasoning had told him that it probably wasn't supposed to work this well this quickly, and that if he told Ling he wasn't even the slightest bit peckish after over six hours since his last meal, she'd probably make him stop drinking it.  So he'd told her that yes, he was hungry, and had allowed her to make another cup of the tea for him.  He'd gulped it before choking down a single slice of the pizza they'd ordered.  One slice! he thought excitedly.  Just a few days ago he'd have been able to finish that whole pizza and half of another one, maybe even two full pies, and now one piece made him feel uncomfortably stuffed.  He had practically wept when he'd gone back up to the guest bedroom after dinner and considered the implications of finally being able to lose weight, all thoughts of his previous realizations about his desires relegated to the dark, hidden closet in his mind where he banished everything he didn't want to think about.
               If I get smaller, maybe she could actually...  He shook himself again.  No time to think about that now.  "So, um," he started, pulling himself back to the conversation, "how do you do that?"
               "It can take a while to figure out," she told him, "as it's different for everyone.  The gist of it is usually that you have to find confidence in yourself and your abilities.  Sometimes it comes gradually, sometimes it comes all at once.  But I wouldn't worry, if I were you, considering how quickly your abilities have developed.  I'm sure you'll get your color soon."  She smiled at him.
               Xander frowned a little, but nodded in understanding.  Confidence isn't exactly my forte, but maybe...if I lose weight...
               "Alright," Ling said.  "Now, I want you to disperse the energy, one more time.  Perfect.  Let's take a break, I need to go check on Cee.  I thought she'd have been up by now.  Why don't you go have a cup of tea and get a snack?"
               "I, uh...  I'm actually good.  Brunch was really...satisfying.  I think the tea is helping."
               "That's good to hear.  I'm glad," she said as she rose from the couch.  "I'll be back in a little bit."
               Xander waited until he heard her reach the top of the stairs before he tried to extract himself from the chair.  Grunting with effort, he finally yanked his mass out of the tiny piece of furniture, and, panting a bit, stood and stretched.
               "She's being quite generous with you, you know."
               He jumped guiltily and turned to the kitchen entrance, where Darshan was leaning up against the door frame.  He took a bite of the apple he was holding and glared at Xander, eyebrows raised.
               "What do you mean?"
               "I mean that, for as much as you are capable of with energy work so far, and considering your other talents," Darshan explained, his tone of voice sharpening his prim accent, "your color should have been a non-issue."
               Xander looked down guiltily.  "But...I thought...Ling said that it could...take a while..."
               Darshan scoffed.  "Yes, perhaps for a child, or for someone with very limited abilities."  He shook his head, and Xander could smell the disgust coloring his natural cedar-like scent with a metallic edge.  "You have so much potential, and what do you do with it?  You bury it under layer upon layer of gluttony."
               His words hit Xander like a two by four to the gut, his breath leaving him in a short, inaudible gasp.  He stared at the young man, but Darshan just examined his apple.  Xander began, "What - "
               Ling flew down the stairs in a rush of soft footsteps.  "She's awake," she said, hurrying past them and into the kitchen.  Darshan dashed into the kitchen after her, and Xander moved to do the same, but by the time he made it over to the door Ling was exiting, a large glass of ice water in her hand, with Darshan following her.  Xander followed Darshan across the living room.  "You really don't need to come," she said over her shoulder as they started up the steps in a line.
               "I just want to make sure she's okay," Xander said quietly before he realized it.
               Thankfully Darshan drowned out his words.  "I need to question her immediately."
               "No one is going to be doing any questioning, Darshan.  She just woke up after almost having her arm ripped off by a demon, in case you happened to forget.  And what would you question her about, anyway?  We were all there when it happened.  Please, keep your mouth shut."
               Will she remember? he wondered silently.  Will she...what if she...  He almost crashed into Darshan as he stumbled.  Shit.  Shit, shit, shit.  She's going to take one look at me and hear my stupid fucked-up thoughts and there's nothing I can do about it.  You are such a fucking idiot, how could you ever think there was even the slightest possibility -
               "Xander!"
               "What?" he wheezed.  Oh.  He placed his foot on the top step, hefted himself up, and dug around in his pocket for the bottle she had given him.  With shaking fingers, he unscrewed the lid and managed to hold his breath for a moment as he placed two drops of the liquid under his tongue.
               Darshan glared at him, arms folded as he waited outside Cee's door, but Ling's expression was softer.  "Are you sure you're alright to come in?  You don't have to."
               "I'm fine," he said, only wheezing a little.
               Ling tilted her head, but turned and opened the door, Darshan practically pushing past her in his impatience.  Xander tried to take a deep breath but ended up just coughing for the next twenty seconds.  When he was finally able to suck in air without choking, he followed.
               Ken was lounging in the rocking chair beneath the window, and Darshan was glowering at the foot of the bed.  Ling was seated on the edge of the bed, and, sitting straight with the covers pulled to her waist, her face still a bit pale amidst her shock of red hair, was Cee.  He almost lost his breath again seeing her awake, seeing those hands that had squeezed into him wrapped around the clear glass and those salmon-pink lips that had touched his own - how long ago had that even been? - sipping the water.  Her eyes flicked up as he entered...and then returned to the other hunters.
               "How are you feeling?" Ling was asking.
               "Fine, really.  A bit tired, but I'm probably over-rested.  How long was I out?"
               "Since Tuesday night.  It's Thursday afternoon.  About forty hours, give or take.  Let me take a look at your arm."  Ling took the glass from her and handed it to Darshan with a sharp look.  He looked like he was fighting to keep a swarm of bees contained in his mouth.
               Cee held out her arm and Ling gently undid her bandage while she watched.  Xander smelled a strange hint to her scent...was it smoke?  That makes sense, he reasoned.  She usually smells like fire, so some of her fire has gone out from being injured, I guess.  The strength of her scent the night she had kissed him burst into his thoughts uninvited, the rosemary as strong as if someone had been waving a bunch of the pungent, green herb directly beneath his nose.  His lungs immediately seized up and his face began to burn.  He tried to inhale, but his breath caught in his throat and he started hacking again.  Turning towards the door, he buried the lower half of his face in his elbow, as much to hide his blush as to stifle his coughing.
               "What's wrong with him?" Cee asked.  He glanced at her involuntarily, and wheezed harder at the detached expression on her face.
               "He's just been having some trouble breathing lately," Ling said as she unwrapped the last loop around Cee's arm.  "Xander, it's too soon for more kava, unless you don't mind a nap.  Maybe you should sit," she said, nodding at the other side of the bed.
               He shook his head and managed, "I'm okay," and coughed a few more times before his lungs decided to cooperate.  He leaned against the door jamb to let the wood support some of his weight as he watched the hunters.  Ken was very pointedly not looking at him, his face thoughtful, and Darshan's stern profile remained resolutely still.  Ling examined Cee's arm, probing her fingers a few inches above the surface of the red but no longer broken skin as Cee looked on, seemingly without much interest.
               "It looks much, much better, Cee," she told her, the relief evident in her voice.  "Here, let me feel."  She held her hand up to Cee's forehead and, after a moment, removed it.  "You're still fairly low, but doing better than I expected."  She looked into her friend's face and smiled.  "I'm so happy you're alright."
               Cee grinned back.  "Of course I'm alright.  I always am.  So it's gone, right?  I killed it?"
               "Yes, you did.  Just how did you manage to do that?" Darshan burst out.
               "Well, you see, Darshan, there's this thing we do called 'energy work,'" Cee began.  "It's pretty nifty.  It's when you -"
               "Stop with the snark, Callisto.  You know what I mean.  How did you manage to conjure that much energy so quickly?"
               Cee sighed and leaned back against the pillows.  "Honestly, I don't even know.  I really don't remember much about what happened.  It was there, it was lying, and then I was on the floor, and now I'm in bed in a room full of demon hunters.  And him," she finished, nodding her head towards Xander without looking at him.
               Xander closed his eyes and slumped into the door frame a little more heavily.
               "Yes, but how did you -"
               "Darshan.  Enough."  Ling glared at him.
               Cee shrugged.  "So, what are we going to do now?  What's the plan?"
               "Your parents are coming.  They should be here in two or three days."
               She looked at him, her eyebrows raised expectantly.  "And?"
               "And it will be decided when they arrive and we talk about it," he snapped back.
               "You're just going to let them call all the shots?  You seriously haven't made any decisions?  Why exactly are you the leader of this merry little band of hunters, anyway?  You mean to tell me that you have literally come up with nothing?"
               Darshan's face reddened and twisted.  "What?"
               "I said -"
               "Oh, I heard what you said, but I can't believe your gall in saying it.  How dare you?  How dare -"
               Ling stood and pointed at the door in one swift, graceful motion.  "Enough!  Darshan, Ken, Xander - time to go downstairs."
               With one last look at Cee, who was glancing boredly about the room, Xander turned and descended the steps, not waiting to see if the others followed him.  He trudged through the living room, glaring angrily at the rose chairs as he passed, and settled his mass heavily on the green couch.  His lips thinned with an uncontrollable grimace as he felt his ass spread out and condense the soft cushions and saw that, with his gigantic self occupying the seat, there wasn't even enough room for anyone else to sit there with him.  You are such a goddamned moron, his mind spat.  To even have an inkling of hope that she could want anything to do with an enormous fat fuck like you...  She was just being nice because she thinks that they need you for their prophecy or whatever.  She doesn't 'like' you.  She doesn't think you're 'attractive.'  No one does, and no one ever will, because even if you lost a hundred pounds, you'd still need to lose over a hundred more, and the only way you'll be able to do that is if you go ahead with -
               Darshan stomped down the stairs, his face tight with rage, followed by a more sedate Ken.  "...and she just wakes up after forty hours, and the first thing she does is disrespect me," Darshan said, turning away from one of the rose chairs before sitting down and instead beginning to pace back and forth across the length of the room.
               Ken flopped into the other chair, and Xander saw him roll his eyes.  "It's Cee, what do you expect?"
               "I expect a little bloody respect!" he snarled back.  "Her and Ling's parents appointed me leader for a reason, you would think that that would afford me some respect in her eyes."
               "Well, let's face it, you can be pretty douchey sometimes."
               The pacing stopped.  "Excuse me?"
               Ken sighed.  "She just woke up and you started grilling her, you didn't even ask how she was.  That was kind of a jerk move.  You do stuff like that all the time.  You act like you're hot shit because you're the 'leader,' but -"
               But Darshan was already turning away, and a moment later they heard the front door close with a deafening slam that sent vibrations through the entire house.
               "Finally," Ken moaned dramatically as he dropped his head back against the arm of the pink chair.  "I couldn't take him anymore.  He's been such a dick lately."
               "What did you say to him, Ken?"  Ling asked in a resigned tone as she came down the last few steps and walked over to stand beside the chair he was sitting in.
               "What we've all been thinking for months now.  That he's been really douchey."
               It was her turn to sigh as she sat.  "He has been a douche.  He's incapable of not taking things personally, and then he takes that out on everyone else."  She shook her head.  "Did he say something to you before, Xander?"
               "Huh?"  Darshan's comment about his gluttony replayed in his mind, and he felt his cheeks redden.
               "Before I came downstairs to get Cee's water.  You seemed upset.  Did he say something to upset you?"
               "Um...  It doesn't matter," he told her before he could find the sense not to.
               She shook her head.  "I'm sorry for him."
               "You don't have to apologize.  It was nothing, really."  He avoided her sympathetic gaze and tried to resettle his bulk more comfortably to distract himself from his thoughts, but the sudden sound of a spring complaining deep in the couch as he shifted only served to refresh his self-loathing.
               Thankfully, the others seemed oblivious.  "I feel like I do.  Darshan's life experience is so far removed from what most of us are familiar with that I feel like he needs people lessons sometimes."
               Ken snorted.  "You mean 'normal people without indoor swimming pools and literal car fleet' lessons."
               Xander gave him a questioning look, but it was Ling who responded.  "As I mentioned last night, Darshan's family is disgustingly wealthy.  Old money.  So Darshan grew up being treated like royalty, but I don't think his parents ever actually wanted much to do with him.  As anything other than their token heir, anyway.  He had some sort of falling out with them when his gifts began to develop a few years ago, and we found him.  He's fairly talented, but...well, you've witnessed his attitude."
               "He still expects to be treated like a fucking emperor," Ken interjected.  "He still thinks he's automatically owed your respect, regardless of how he treats you."
               "He does try sometimes, and he occasionally has some breakthrough moments of common sense and decency on his own, but lately they've been few and far between."  Ling uncrossed and recrossed her legs, her long fingers snaking through the loose strands of her dark hair.  "I don't know what's wrong with him.  He doesn't talk to us about his personal life very much.  Cee probably knows, but they've clashed since the moment they met, so she likely doesn't care."
               Xander felt himself blush at the mention of her name again.  Just stop, he told himself fiercely.  Forget.
               "Well," Ling continued, "enough about that.  Should we continue, Xander?"