“Gimme a minute,” Xander called, pulling his ear buds out and minimizing his English Lit paper. He hefted himself out of his computer chair and lumbered over to the door as the knocking continued. “I’m coming!” He sighed, and muttered, “Adrian
He peered through the peephole and felt a familiar jump in his chest. It was August, staring at the ceiling as she waited for him to answer. He turned the knob.
“Hey, August, Adrian
“Oh, Xander!” she cried, throwing her arms around him.
He awkwardly returned her embrace, gently patting her blonde hair. “What…” he began as she started sobbing, grabbing fistfuls of the back of his shirt. “Um…why don’t you come in for a while.”
He guided her inside, where she grabbed the tissue box and flopped down on his bed. “He…he…” she hiccupped and then blew her nose.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Xander stood a few feet in front of her, fidgeting. It was strange, her being in here without Adrian
She looked up at him, her blue eyes watery. “No!” she flung out angrily. “I’m not okay! He…that bastard…he’s cheating on me, I know he is!” Tears overcame her again.
Xander opened his mouth, but stayed silent, unsure of what to say.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she continued a few minutes later, wiping her eyes furiously. “I know he’s your friend and you don’t want to backstab him, but I know he’s cheating. I heard Chelsea More telling her little Alpha Sigma’s what a great screw he is in the food court today,” she finished miserably.
“August, I…I’m sorry…”
“Oh, Xander, why? Why did I ever think he wouldn’t do it to me? I knew what he was like, but I thought it would be different…I thought I could make him be a one-girl-guy… How could I have been so stupid?” Fresh tears came to her eyes, and she threw herself back on the bed, pulling his pillow over her face.
“Hey.” He gingerly sat next to her and placed his hand on her arm. “He’s an asshole, August. You deserve better than someone who’d do that to you.”
“I know.” Her voice was muffled by the pillow. “But I feel like such an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. You just gave him something he didn’t deserve.”
She peered out at him. “Huh?”
He nervously ran his hand through his hair. “You trusted him…I mean, it’s good to trust people… I guess…I guess some people just don’t deserve it, and the only way you can tell is to put yourself out there, you know?”
Silence. Then, “I guess so.” She sighed and swatted the pillow away. “Shit. I’m sorry, Xander. I didn’t mean to come in here and dump this all out on you. I came hoping Adrian
Xander smiled at her. “Many have done just that, and it still hasn’t sunk in.”
She scowled. “Figures.”
“Just…don’t even give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Ignore him, don’t even call him out on it.”
Her face brightened a bit. “Yeah…leave him wondering. That’ll drive him nuts, won’t it?”
“Oh, yeah. He won’t be able to handle that you just don’t want him anymore.”
Finally, a real smile. “His ego will be crushed. You’ll have to keep me updated on his moping.” She sat up and took his large hand in her delicate one. “Thanks, Xander. You’re a good guy.”
He swallowed nervously. “Uh, thanks. I try.”
“Seriously, like, how does he keep getting away with it? He’s been here two years…you’d think that his reputation would have gotten the better of him by now and all the girls would know what a player he is.”
She was staring across the room at Adrian
“Well, I guess I knew better, but I went after him anyway,” she admitted, making a face. “I must really be a masochist.”
Xander picked at a thread on his comforter, not knowing what to say.
“Gosh,” August said, smacking her forehead, “I’m so sorry, Xander. I just keep going. Please, tell me to shut up.”
“Nah, it’s okay.”
“You’re so sweet for sitting here with me and listening,” she said quietly. “So…who are you seeing these days?”
He let out an involuntary snort.
“What?”
“Well, I’m seeing the insides of my books,” he joked. “My computer screen, the inside of the refrigerator…but the food court and I really have something special going. I think it might be the real thing.”
August was staring at him, sweeping her blue eyes over his round figure and returning to his face, searchingly. She lifted her hand and brushed his hair off his forehead. “Xander…”
Ice crept through his muscles, paralyzing him. “What?”
Still she stared. Her fingers began a slow trace down the side of his face, trailing over his temple, his pudgy cheek, and brushing his jaw. She tilted her head, and whispered, “Kiss me, Xander.”
“I…what?” he choked out.
“Kiss me.”
“Are…are you sure?” he asked. This was what he’d wanted, what he’d dreamed of, for the past two years, and here she was, telling him to do it. To kiss her. To enfold her with his mass and feel himself engulf her, so tiny and fragile, like a sparrow in a storm cloud.
Her hand was on the back of his neck now, guiding his head down towards her. “Yes,” she breathed. “Kiss me.”
“But –“
“Shh.”
Her lips met his, and heat surged through his limbs like a tidal wave, washing away all traces of the icy hesitation he’d felt before. He eagerly returned her kiss, his arms embracing her and gently rubbing her back while she tugged lightly on his hair.
It seemed like seconds or hours later when August lay back on the bed and he earnestly followed, not wanting to break their contact.
“Ouch,” she complained, her voice muffled by Xander’s lips. “You’re squashing me.”
He winced lightly. “Sorry…”
“Just…here, lay next to me.”
He shifted his weight to her side and stroked her hair, devouring her neck. She moaned slightly and squeezed his arm. Her skin tasted like strawberries, he thought. Strawberries and sunlight, just like she smelled. He couldn’t believe he was awake, and that this was actually happening.
Gradually, the passion dwindled until they were simply laying there, Xander with his arms around her, gazing in wonder at the profile of her perfect face, and August still, her eyes closed.
“Xander?”
“Yeah?”
She yawned. “I’m getting tired,” she confessed. “I’d better get back to my room.”
“Oh, sure,” he said, moving away from her so she could rise from the bed.
She sat up and stretched, then got to her feet. Xander sat up, but stayed on the bed a moment longer, trying to regain his equilibrium.
“Well,” she said, making her way over to the door. “I guess I’ll see you, Xander.”
He quickly rose and opened the door for her. “Uh, sure, August…” he said awkwardly.
She smiled at him and touched his cheek. “Have a good night, Xander.”
“You, too, August. Sweet dreams.”
Her smile lit up the dim hallway as she glanced back at him over her shoulder. He waited until he saw her curvy little form disappear around the corner, and then closed the door and leaned back against it, blinking in shock. He’d just made out with August Dawes, the girl he’d been in love with for two long years. Two years of being casual acquaintances, of overhearing her complain that there were no decent men left in the world. Two years of watching her move from athletic frat boy jerk to athletic frat boy jerk, and then, worst of all, to his vile roommate. And he’d just spent the last half hour kissing her, feeling the heat of her body in his hands, the slow rhythm of her breath as he held her in his arms.
He stared dumbly at his hands, then at his reflection in the mirror that hung on the closet door to his left. He, Xander Rockwood, fat, English-geek loser, had just made out with one of the sweetest, most beautiful girls on campus. And she’d asked him to do it.
He grinned stupidly at himself and began singing under his breath as he returned to his paper.
“Dude,” Adrian
“Um, not exactly,” he muttered as he considered a green button-down. “Are…are you going to the ODE house tonight?”
His roommate shrugged at him from across the room, where he was lounging on his bed with his laptop. “I might later. Me and the guys are going down to the Brew Haus for Jager night first.” He sat up straighter, flipping his blonde locks out of his eyes. “You’re going to a frat party?”
“I, uh…maybe. Rhys is pledging, he invited me. He’s bugging me to pledge, too.” Xander tossed the garment back when he realized that he’d tried it on a few weeks ago and had popped a button off it when he’d tried to sit down.
“Whoa, talk about out of character, buddy. Well, if you weren’t, like, eight times bigger than me I’d let you borrow a shirt, but, y’know…I doubt it would work.”
“Yeah, thanks,” he replied wryly.
It was Friday, three nights after he and August had kissed, and he hadn’t seen her around since then. But he knew from her away message that tonight she’d be at the frat party, so when his friend Rhys had pestered him once again to make an appearance, he’d surprised him by agreeing to show.
Now he was having second thoughts, as he couldn’t find anything in his closet that fit him. He knew he’d gained weight again since he’d started school a little over a month ago, but he hadn’t thought it was much – his t-shirts had become a bit tighter, sure, but they still fit him. But the fact that his nicer clothing was having difficulty even being fastened was making it very clear that the weight he’d added to his already large frame was more than he’d imagined.
He sighed, shutting the closet door. “I guess I’m going to the mall. You need anything?” he asked his roommate.
“Nah, I’m good. I’m going over to Liza’s room soon, anyway.” Adrian
“Right.” Xander shook his head, but Adrian
“Sure, bro,” Adrian
After grabbing his keys and his wallet, Xander shut the door behind him and descended the stairs to the parking lot. It was mostly deserted at this time on a Friday, everyone from the dorm either having gone home for the weekend or gone out. He mused upon the fact that, for once, he would be going out on a Friday night, to a frat party, no less. If he could find something to wear, that is.
He arrived at the mall in a reasonable amount of time and quickly made his way inside, smelling that peculiar combination of cinnamon, paper money, and cleaning supplies that was the “mall smell.” He’d chosen the entrance that was closest to the escalators to make for what he hoped would be a speedy trip in and out. Xander didn’t like to hang around the mall – or any public place, really – any longer than he had to, especially on Fridays. Fridays, he’d found, were when everyone and their second cousin came out with what seemed to be the sole purpose of gawking at him.
As he stepped off the escalator on the third floor and came to stand in front of the glowing mall map, trying to remember which side the “big and tall” store was on, he caught sight of a girl who was doing just that: gawking at him. He glanced at her and quickly looked back at the sign, for he didn’t want to break that unspoken fat guy rule and be caught staring at someone who was obviously in a much higher social class than he. Especially when her expression gave the distinct impression that something about him greatly amused her. Her long red hair spilled over her shoulder in a wavy cascade, shimmering in the sunlight streaming in from the skylights above her. She was leaning nonchalantly against the railing off to his left, clad in black leather pants and a tight black top, displaying every curve as she smirked at him.
He felt his face grow hot under her gaze, and began to walk away from her, hoping that she wouldn’t say anything. He was certainly used to being made fun of, but that didn’t mean he sought it out. The glow of Think Big beckoned to him, and he gratefully accepted its refuge, stepping inside the dimly lit clothing store.
“Good afternoon, sir, may I help you find something?” one of the salesmen asked him pleasantly after he’d wandered around a bit.
Xander gave him a look. The man was average height, but also average weight. He didn’t quite understand why a skinny guy would work in a store like this. “Uh, sure, I need a nice shirt,” he said wearily.
“Our dress shirts are located at the front of the store, if you’ll follow me,” the man told him, leading him back to the entrance. “We have quite a selection…what occasion do you need it for?”
“Just…not a wedding, or anything…” Xander stammered. “It’s…well, it’s for a party. So nothing fancy. Just, like, a plain button down, or something.”
“Alright,” the man nodded as they stopped in front of the display of solid colored button down shirts. “Here we are. What size were you looking for?”
He sighed, his gaze flitting around, trying to delay the inevitable admission that he’d gone up a size. And then he froze. She was outside the store, lounging on a bench, staring at him. She’d followed him, and she was watching him.
Ignore it, he told himself, gritting his teeth. You know some girls get off on getting under your skin. Ignore her.
“A, uh…a four X,” he told the clerk in a small voice, still watching the girl out of the side of his vision.
She laughed. Somehow, she’d heard him, and she was laughing at him.
He clenched his fists.
The clerk, Xander was grateful to see, seemed unphased. “Well, in this style, the four X comes in white, black, navy, and grey. And we’re having a special: buy one, get one half-off.”
“I’ll, uh…I’ll take a black and a navy.”
“Would you like to try one on? Just to make sure it fits well?”
Xander grimaced. “I can just put one on over my shirt; I don’t need to go in the dressing room. I mean, if that’s okay.”
“Certainly.”
He handed Xander the black one, and he shyly turned and moved behind one of the racks as he pulled the garment on, not wanting the girl to see if it didn’t fit. Luckily, it did – it even buttoned with a bit of room to spare. He sighed with relief, and told the clerk he’d take them.
He was quickly rung out and given a pile of coupons, and then left to face the red-haired girl again. He tried to steel himself as he walked away from the counter, but when he got back out into the mall, she was nowhere in sight. Xander let out the breath he’d been holding and hurried out of the building, wanting to be sure he wouldn’t run into her again. By the time he’d gotten back out onto the highway, all thoughts of the red-haired girl were gone, replaced by anxious musings of what he would say to August later that night.
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