Part XXXIV

            "Oh, perfect timing," he heard Kai say. "He's just waking up."
            Xander opened his eyes to the dim glow of twilight in the guest room.  Kai's head and shoulders were silhouetted against the pale cornflower of the sky through the sheer curtains, and the yellow light from the hallway fixtures spilled in the open door as Ling entered the room.  He instinctively checked the covers and, satisfied that he was completely covered, maneuvered himself into a seated position.  "What time is it?"
            "About 4:30," Ling answered.  She sat down on the edge of the bed and placed the steaming mug she was holding onto the night stand beside him.  "How are you feeling, Xander?"
            "Umm, okay, I guess..." His voice trailed off as his stomach gurgled, but the usual flood of shame that would overwhelm him in situations like these was miraculously only a trickle.
            "Hungry," Kai supplied.
            "That's good!" Ling exclaimed.  "We're ordering pizza for dinner since the Argyrises are still here. I know we just had it, but no one wants to cook.  What do you like on your pizza?"
            "Anything is fine.  Whatever everyone else wants."
            Ling smiled at him, giving her head a little shake.  "Sure, anything might be fine, but what's your favorite?  I was just going to get you your own pie."
            That was too much.  "No, you don't - I don't n-need -" he rushed the words out, as if their speed would somehow lessen his embarrassment.
            She took his hand in both of her own.  "Xander.  Shush.  We get free pies from Vito's: we cleared out a Trilk infestation they had last year.  If a week goes by when we don't order, he calls and asks why and starts thanking us again.  It's embarrassing.  So what are your favorite pizza toppings?"
            A quiet sigh left him before he answered.  "Garlic, spinach, and extra cheese."
            "Thank you."  Ling patted his hand before she rose from the bed.  "You're sharing the veggie pie with your mom and Cee?" she asked Kai.
            "As usual," he replied.  "Cee's up and around?"
            "Yup," Ling said.  "Almost back to normal."  Her eyes flicked towards Xander, and he knew without knowing how that Cee hadn't asked about him.
            Kai nodded, his shoulders relaxing just a bit.  "Good."
            "I'll go call the order in.  Xander, wait about fifteen minutes for that to cool and then drink up, okay?  I think I timed it pretty well: the pizza usually only takes about twenty minutes, so it should get here not long after you finish it, about when you'll probably start getting hungrier."
            "How many more doses will I need?"  Not that you should be drinking it anyway, you whale, if it's going to make you eat again, the nasty voice piped up.
            Ling tapped her pursed lips with a delicate finger.  "At least two more.  Probably three, just to be safe.  It's a multifaceted blend, so it's quite a bit more complex than what I made for you before."
            "And there's a lot it has to work on, so try to be patient," Kai interjected.
            "What do you mean?"
            "I'll let you explain, Kai.  I'm going to go order the pizza.  Remember, Xander, fifteen minutes."  She left the bedroom, closing the door softly and taking the golden light from the hallway with her.
            Cee's brother leaned over and switched on the bedside lamp, and Xander caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the mirror above the dresser in the soft light.  "Whoa," he murmured.  His eyes stared mournfully back at him, framed by deep, bruise-like crescents, and his skin, normally pale, was tinged ashen and ghastly.  "I look like moldy shit."
            "You're actually starting to look a little better," Kai told him.  "Some of the life is starting to come back to your eyes.  Why did you do this in the first place?"
            Xander pretended he hadn't asked that question.  "So what's the deal with this stuff?"  He tilted his head in the direction of the still-steaming mug beside him.
            Kai propped his legs up on the mattress before answering.  "There are some illnesses or afflictions that are strictly physical.  Some are strictly emotional.  Most are a combination of your physical being, your emotional being, and sometimes your spiritual self.  What you've been going through started as emotional - the appetite suppressant tea messed with your feelings and thoughts - and was then exacerbated by spiritual issues, which have been bothering you for a while, I think, but were really blown up by the work demon kind has been doing on you, and...other things.  Family stuff?  Love troubles?  I'm not exactly sure."
            He felt the familiar reverberation in the empty place where his heart used to be, but remained silent.
            "All that combined and escalated to the point where your symptoms became physical: the dizziness, the vision problems, aversion to food, etcetera.  So," he continued, nodding at the mug, "the remedy has to work on all of that.  It starts by helping the physical symptoms, because they're usually the most dangerous.  I imagine you're feeling a whole lot better physically than you were, right?"
            "Yeah."
            "Maybe a little bit better emotionally?"
            Xander let out a quiet huff of laughter.  "I'm not in imminent danger of leaping off a cliff, if that's what you mean."
            Kai grinned.  "I'll take it.  It should continue to help with that, kind of get you back to a better place."
            "What exactly do you mean by...spiritual stuff?"
            "The longstanding beliefs you have about yourself and your place in everything.  Whereas your emotions are the expression of those beliefs in your thoughts and feelings."
            Xander became very still.
            "The remedy unfortunately can't fix the spiritual - nothing we can make can do that - but it can usually quiet the emotional noise that shouts over them enough to help you deal with them on your own."
            A few silent moments passed before Xander spoke.  "Well that sounds like fun."  He sighed, suddenly very aware of how heavy and soft his belly felt resting on his thighs.
            "Talking about it sometimes helps."
            He scoffed.  "I'm not much of a fan of therapy."
            Kai laughed.  "I'm not a shrink yet."
            "I don't really...know you."
            "We should change that.  I'd like to get to know you.  My sister thinks you're worth knowing, and we're going to be spending a lot more time together."
            Xander didn't respond.

            "You should probably drink that now," Kai said, gesturing to the mug.  Xander complied, gulping the hot, gingery liquid all down at once as he had before, but this time having to fight the urge to rub his belly contentedly as a delicious warmth spread out from his stomach to the tips of his toes.  "So," Kai said, "what do you think of Darshan?"

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