“Hello?” he said groggily.
“Hello, dear, did I wake you? It’s seven o’clock; what are you doing asleep?”
“Just…just taking a nap, Mom. I’ve…I’ve been up late doing my…Brit Lit final,” he fibbed, sitting up and gazing around his room, disoriented by the darkness. He flipped on the floor lamp behind his bed.
“Alright, you just make sure you’re getting enough rest. You know you tend to eat more when you’re tired.”
Xander sighed. “What did you want, Mom?”
“I wanted to call to remind you that your father’s marathon is next Friday.”
“Marathon? They do those in December?”
He heard his mother make a clucking noise. “I knew you’d forget. Yes, they do those in December. The Fording 5k, remember? It’s sponsored by the clinic where he had his bypass done? This week is your father’s five year anniversary, so it’s a very special race for him. You’re coming home to see him, right?”
“I…” Xander faltered, swallowing hard as he searched for a response. “I can’t, Mom, I have a final that day…”
“Oh, Xander,” she sighed, her voice full of disappointment. “Can’t you take it another day?”
“No, Mom, they won’t let you do that. I have another final on Saturday, too,” he finished, hoping he wasn’t pushing it.
“Alright, alright. School comes first. But you will be coming home for Christmas, right?”
“I…I’m not sure. The winter term course work is pretty intense. I don’t know if I’ll be able to.” He stood up and stretched, then rifled through the pile of stuff on his desk for a brownie.
“What class are you taking again?”
“Geology,” he said, fiddling with the wrapper.
“But you’re an English major, why do you need to take geology?”
“I need two science classes for my gen. ed. requirements, Mom.” He put the package to his mouth and tore the plastic open with his teeth.
“What on earth was that?”
He blushed, even though he knew she didn’t know what he was doing. “I was holding the phone with my shoulder; the speaker must have brushed up against my face.”
“Oh. Well, please try to get home? We haven’t seen you since August.”
“I know, I know. I’ll try. Look, I’ve got to go; I’m supposed to meet Rhys at seven thirty. Tell Dad and Alexis I said hi.”
“I will. Good luck with your finals, dear. I love you.”
“Thanks. I love you, too, Mom.”
“And come home soon!”
“Yeah, okay. Bye.”
He hung up and chucked his cell phone onto his bed with one hand, lifting his brownie to his mouth with the other and taking a bite as he sat at his desk. He marveled at how easy it had become to lie to his mother. Not that she made it difficult: her slightly spacey demeanor made coming up with stories to cover his ass quite simple. What struck him now, however, was that when it came to certain situations, he no longer felt the slightest bit of remorse doing it. He knew that his father, on the other hand, would most likely see through his attempts to skip out on family time. After cramming the rest of his brownie in his mouth, he rose, grabbed his cell phone, and switched it off to prevent anyone else from disturbing his precious few hours of peace.
“’Cause heaven forbid I miss his stupid skinny race,” Xander muttered bitterly, acknowledging the longing behind his statement like an old wound, healed on the surface but festering under the skin. He knew that if he really wanted to go through with it, he would probably qualify for the gastric bypass surgery as well, and his parents’ insurance would cover it. He could be thin within six months. Could graduate from college in a normal gown, not one they’d have to make especially for him. He could even ask a girl out on a date without expecting to be laughed at. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew that some small, strange part of him was terrified of it…that part of him that also liked being fat.
The part of me that’s going to go to the food court before it closes and get more food to feed my fat ass, he thought wryly to himself as he threw the wrapper of his last brownie in the garbage can. He dressed quickly and headed out the door.
The weather had not improved by the time he made it to the food court on the other side of campus. He sighed with relief as he ducked inside the bustling building, shaking ice from his hair and stomping his feet on the carpet to banish the moisture from his shoes. Hmm, what do I want, he asked himself as he glanced around at the fast food restaurant-style menus lining the walls, the intensely delicious smells igniting his appetite. Pizza…maybe some pasta, too…yeah, it’s Wednesday, they have that great tortellini alfredo tonight…and I think I could go for some cheeseburgers and fries. He stepped up to the counter, his stomach grumbling in anticipation.
“Well, hello, there, darlin’, how you doin’ tonight?”
“Hey, Sheriece, I’m okay, how are you?” he answered the large black woman with a smile. He was always glad when Sheriece was working. She was the only food service worker who didn’t give him disgusted looks when he ordered his usual truckload of food. She always made conversation with him, and made sure to sneak him a little extra food and not charge him for it. It wasn’t great for his physique, but it comforted him to have a friend in a place that could potentially be very dangerous for him.
“I’m just peachy keen now that you’re here, honey, but I do not look forward to goin’ home in that mess out there!” she exclaimed, slipping on a pair of plastic gloves.
“The roads actually aren’t too bad, the salt trucks are keeping up with it pretty well, I think. Just be careful on the sidewalks, they’re really slippery.”
She shook her head, sending her masses of curly braids dancing. “Those damn maintenance men! You know what they’re doin’ right now? They’re loungin’ on their lazy asses drinkin’ coffee in the break room, lettin’ that ice build up out there. Just wait ‘til somebody slips and breaks somethin’ and sues the college, then they’ll be gettin’ what’s due.”
They both shared a chuckle, knowing that Sheriece was right. “Is Jerry coming to get you? You don’t have to drive yourself home, do you? How’s he doing?”
“Oh, he’s comin’ to get me. He knows I’m a mess drivin’ in this winter weather. And he’s doin’ quite well, sweetheart, thank you so much for askin’. As much as we hate this ice and snow, it’s a good payday, what with all the plowing contracts he’s gettin’. Doin’ very well. So what can I get for you tonight, sugar? I just cooked up some of that dee-licious alfredo I know you like so much.”
He told her he’d like the large order of the tortellini alfredo, four pieces of garlic bread, two individual supreme pizzas with ranch sauce, and three cheeseburgers with fries, trying to keep his voice down so that the other people milling around wouldn’t hear how much he was getting. But a burst of laughter sounded to his left, causing him to cringe and try to shrink in on himself. He glanced over and saw August’s friends, Kyla and Krissy, standing at the salad bar, giggling as they watched him. Ever since he’d made a fool of himself with August at the frat party, all her friends had found him even more hilarious. He could only assume that August had relayed his pathetic awkwardness to them. Just what I needed. And just wait ‘til they hear what happened this afternoon. Blood rushed to his cheeks, and he quickly turned back to Sheriece.
Sheriece glared at the girls and shook her head, then turned back to Xander. “You wait right here, honey, I’ll have it right up for you.” She reached across the counter and patted his arm before she turned and disappeared into the kitchen. She returned a few minutes later, telling him, “I just got five more minutes on a nice fresh batch of tortellini for you, Xander. So when are you leavin’ me for the holidays?”
“I’m…I’m actually not going home this year.”
Her face fell into a shocked expression. “Why on earth not?”
“Well, I’m taking a winter term class…and it’s just so far to drive for only a few days…” He trailed off, not wanting to tell her the real reason he was avoiding his family.
But Sheriece was a perceptive woman, and they’d been talking to each other since his freshman year, so he knew that she had a feeling for some of his familial woes. She’d also watched him grow from a hefty 280 pounds as a freshman to his current 387. It wasn’t hard to figure out, since every year when he returned to school he’d barely eat anything for the first week, and then resume his normal eating habits until the last few weeks of the semester, when he’d try to stop eating again.
She nodded her head. “The holidays are a rough time for a lot of us, sugar. I’ll be workin’ every day but the Lord’s birthday, so you make sure you come see me and keep me company, you hear? I’ll bring you some of my famous Snickerdoodles.”
He nodded.
“Oh! And there’s the dinger on your pasta.” She again disappeared into the kitchen, and soon emerged with a large brown paper grocery bag, filled with his food. Xander pulled out his ID to pay, and she leaned in, whispering conspiratorially, “I slipped a few extra cheeseburgers in there for you, darlin’. I don’t want ‘em goin’ to waste if nobody orders ‘em by the end of the evenin’.”
He smiled sheepishly at her, simultaneously ashamed and grateful. He knew he’d devour them all. “Thanks, Sheriece. I hope you have a good night. Be careful out there.”
“You, too, sweetheart. Hey – “
He turned back to her, curious. “Yeah?”
She grinned at him. “I just wanted to see that handsome face of yours one more time,” she told him. “Go on, now.”
Xander laughed, thanking her again. But his cheer faded when he saw that Krissy and Kyla were lounging at a table by the door, again watching him and giggling. He gritted his teeth, determined to block them out, and started past them.
“Be careful you don’t slip and fall out there, Lardass,” Kyla sneered at him. “We don’t want an earthquake.”
He swallowed hard, hurrying a little more to get out the door and away from them and almost doing just what they’d warned against as he stepped out of the building and onto the icy sidewalk. At least August wasn’t with them, he reminded himself, trying to see the bright side of things. But thinking of her only served to again remind him of their encounter that afternoon. He cringed again as the moment where her eyes had locked onto his massive belly replayed itself in his mind. That look on her face…am I really that revolting to look at? A sigh escaped his lips as he shuffled along. It doesn’t matter what she thinks. You have no chance with her. That’s it. Forget it.
He turned his focus to getting back to his dorm without falling on his ass. As miserable as it was to have to try to navigate the slick ice with his less-than-agile form, he loved what the freezing rain did to the world around him. The trees looked like they were made of silver glass glimmering in the streetlights, and the world took on a hushed and intoxicating aura of peace and mystery. He was the only one walking the streets, as far as he could see. He took a deep breath, luxuriating in the clean scent of the ice and silence. His eyes closed, he stopped for a moment, feeling the precipitation hit his skin as the quiet swirled around him. What would it be like if I could feel like this all the time?
Xander felt something brush against his leg. He looked down, and immediately the stench of sulfur shot into his lungs as he saw that same strange, blurry, dark shape he had seen earlier in his room throwing itself against him.
“Hey!” he gasped, coughing, trying to shake the thing off. But it had latched hold of the fabric of his jeans, and was trying to scurry up his leg. He shook it harder, and the thing made a distressed ripping noise before it scratched him. He tried to kick at it with his other leg, and felt it loosening its grasp, but then he felt himself losing his balance. Cursing, he saw the ground rising up to meet him, and then nothing.
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